Brave Hearts
by hopeful-canyon
Summary: [LADDER 49] After Jack has died, a certain surprise throws the family even more off balance.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Ladder 49; lyrics are Illume by Stevie Nicks.

**Chapter 1**

Linda Morrisson sat on her couch limply, exhausted beyond anything she had felt before. She had just endured 4 hours of her husband, Jack's funeral. He was a firefighter, so of course it had been a big event. Hundreds of people had come up to her and embraced her, most of them complete strangers, and given her their condolences. She hadn't really been paying much attention all day. She was in an alternate, trying to avoid thinking about what would have to happen next. Financially, she was worried. She had been a stay at home mom since her son Nicky was born 9 years ago, and Jack had been the one working. She had been given all the support from the fire department, and she understood that they were really willing to help her in anyway she needed it. But it wasn't much of a compensation for Jack. What would she give to turn back time 3 days, and insist that her husband was looking too sick to go to work, and keep him home until it was safe to go back. She sighed. It wouldn't have worked. Jack was never sick; besides, he was so committed to his job. And even if he had stayed home, someone would have had to take his place, and they most likely would have been taken from the flames as well, someone else's family would be hurting, and she would have to comfort them just like they were comforting her now.

For a minute, she resented the fact that Jack hadn't accepted the help his fellow firefighters had been offering him. He told them all to evacuate and leave him inside. Why hadn't he put up a bigger fight, bowing down only when he had no other choice to. Didn't he know that he was leaving her by herself to raise two kids, to live without him, the love of her life? How could he just give up like that? Then she remembered the message Captain Mike Kennedy had passed on to her, from Jack right before his co-workers, his friends, his brothers left the building without her. Jack had asked Mike to tell her that he loved her, from the moment he saw her. Her mind wandered back to the day she first laid eyes on her future husband. It had been on his first day on the job. They were both grocery shopping, her with her roommate and best friend, Lisa Williams, him with another firefighter. The group arranged a double date. She smiled softly as she remembered Jack that day: really sweet, and nervous, and trying really hard to impress her. It was the cutest thing ever, but she had no idea that all this would happen. How many grocery-store-romances actually worked out?

_I'm alone now_

_With my thoughts_

_How we could make it_

_How we could get out_

_What we'd been through, and all of the trauma_

"Mommy?" let out a small voice.

"Katie, come her. What's the matter? You can't sleep?" asked Linda gently.

"No. I miss daddy," replied the small five year old, curling into her mother's still dress pant-adorned lap.

"I know baby. I do too. It will be alright, though, don't worry. Where are Nicky and Grandma?"

"Nicky's in his room, and Grandma told me I could come see you. She's folding some laundery."

"That's good. Come on, do you want some warm milk before you go to bed," offered Linda as she led her small daughter to the kitchen.

"Okay. Can I sleep with you tonight, mommy?"

"Sure. Here you go," said Linda as she handed over the cup of milk. She noticed that Katie was struggling to fight sleep, and her eyelids kept dropping for seconds at a time. She scooped the little girl up and carried her to the bedroom, easing the now sleeping girl under the covers and tucking them all round her as if a nice blanket could protect her from everything. Then she peeked in Nicky's room. Her son was also curled up in his bed, but she could tell that he was far from finding any rest. His back to her, she could easily see the slight, even movement at his side and a sobbing sound was being muffled by a pillow. It broke her heart to see her kids like this. She sat on his bed beside him, and placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Hey there," she greeted him, trying (and failing) to sound cheerful.

"Mom," was all he said, all he needed to say.

"Want to keep me company in my bed? Katie is already asleep there."

Nicky didn't say anything, just crawled out of his bed, grabbed the teddy bear he hadn't touched for a year, and walked to her room. Linda had a feeling he had wanted to do that all evening, but was too proud to admit that he needed his mother. So she had made it more about her needing him than him needing her.

Linda found her mother in the kitchen, watering some plants. Although they had never been close, Linda had called her mother when Jack died, and asked her if she would help her for a few days. She had obliged without another word between them and came as soon as she could.

"I'm going to bed, mom. You don't have to stay up and do all my chores for me. The kids are sleeping in my bed," spoke Linda.

"That's good. You all need your rest. I'm just going to finish this here up and then I'll head up too. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," returned a sleepy Linda. She turned around and was about to head out the door when she faced her mother again. "Thank you for helping me out like this."

"You're more than welcome."

Linda climbed the stairs, stepped in the bathroom to brush her teeth. She shuddered as she saw Jack's toothbrush still in it's holder. There were so many little things belonging to Jack in this house, and she kept stumbling across them. She looked up in the mirror and had trouble identifying the reflection as her own. Had she really aged that much in 3 days? She looked further. She was a completely different person. She, Linda was a widow now. She lost her husband. To a fire. Stupid, dumb, useless fire. How many lives, homes, families had it torn up in it's past?

As she climbed in her bed, she gazed lovingly at her two sleeping children, tucked in their blankets, as peaceful as little angels. Now without a dad. It wasn't fair at all that these two innocent children would have to deal with having to tell people that their dad is gone whenever someone asks. Linda reasoned with herself. Thousands of people lost one's they loved to many evil causes, like diseases, hatred, and fire. And they dealt with it. It was sad and unfair, but there must be a reason. Why would so many people have to go through so much pain if there was no reason for it. As she kissed each sleeping child on the forehead, she knew that she would be raising them herself. She might accept a little help now and then, but she would not stand to have her mother move in and raise her children, the kids she gave birth to, that Jack had helped her feed and play with. They were her children, not anyone else's except her and Jack's. She rested her head, and although she was far from falling asleep, despite how exhausted she was, she let herself wander, her mind just thinking and rethinking the fact that Jack was gone. He was gone and was not coming back, until eventually her mind was able to somewhat process that.

_I cannot pretend that the heartache falls away_

Oh it's like a river, it's never ending 

_I cannot pretend that the heartache falls away_

_Cause it's just like a river, it's never-ending_

_It's just like a river, It's never-ending_


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Ladder 49; lyrics are Illume by Stevie Nicks.

**Chapter 2**

Linda didn't go to work. She stayed at home and took care of her kids like normal, only it wasn't normal, because after the bus pulled up, and picked up her kids, there was no one else to kiss goodbye, and giggle with, sometimes argue with until he too had to leave. When her kids came back from school, telling tales of what funny things friends had done and said, there was no one else to come in and creep up on her while she was stirring the pots on the stove, and pull her into an embrace. Just the three of them. A week after the funeral, Linda sent her mother home, despite her insistence to let her stay and help. The two days after the funeral, Linda kept Nicky and Katie at home, and made arrangements with credit card companies and insurance agencies and threw out all the things that Jack would never be able to use again, like his toothpaste and aftershave and the whiskey that only he ever drank. She even threw away the lotion that he often rubbed on her shoulders, since there would be no one to give her massages as she lay face down and talked about her day.

Linda got a web-design job that only involved working at home for a few hours a day, so that she wouldn't have to face the world, and when she was too depressed to work, she could leave it for a few days. She had many groceries delivered to their house, and hardly went out. Maybe because grocery stores reminded her of Jack. But, mostly because she didn't want to have to face the looks of people who knew her, the one's that read 'that poor women, how is she even surviving after such a tragedy'. She was asking herself those same questions and didn't need them from other people who had no idea, who couldn't even perceive what it was like to lose your best friend, your lover, so unexpectantly.

And she didn't look good. She tried to smile for her kids, and look happy, but her eyes were worn and tired and she was putting on a bit of weight.

Linda's head was in the toilet when the doorbell rang.

"Shoot," she said to herself. "I'll be right there," she yelled, hoping that whoever was at the door could hear her. She wiped her face with a cloth and flushed the toilet.

"What's wrong with you!" demanded her mother from behind her, scaring the life out of her. She'd forgotten that her mother still had the spare key.

"I'm just sick, that's all. Not feeling well."

Gloria Reynolds eyed her daughter.

"This has gone on too long. Is this still from last week? Look at you. You're not well. Lovesick, I think. You need to go see someone, a therapist or something to help you sort out all this," pestered Gloria.

"The only people I have to see are my kids. Nicky's teacher just called, I was on my way when I just got a little sick. He had a little incident since it's fire prevention week, and I guess the poor guy couldn't take it. I have to go pick him up. The school conveniently neglects to warm me beforehand that there is this huge series of demonstrations and speeches this week. Will you excuse me, mother, and I am not going to see any sort of doctor or therapist or anything!" shouted Linda, popping a couple mints in her mouth and grabbing her jacket and keys. "Oh, and for your information, I _am_ lovesick."

Linda drove up to the school and walked the long hallway until she reached the office. There was Nicky, slouching in a chair and trying to his face, which she was sure was red and swollen from crying. She sat down on the chair beside him and stroked his hair.

"Hey sweetie," whispered Linda.

Nicky remained silent. Linda turned his face so that he could see her.

"Come here," she said, pulling him into his lap.

"Mom will you just drop it! I don't need to sit in your lap anymore," cried Nicky.

Linda sighed. It hurt her that Nicky felt that way, but she understood.

"Mrs. Morrisson, you I see you for a moment?" asked the principal, Mr. Jones.

Once in the office, the door closed and Nicky behind it, Mr. Jones gave her the _look_. "My deepest sympathies, Mrs. Morrisson. I can imagine what a toll this entire ordeal this has had on your life."

There was silence as the man waited for Linda to say something. Instead, she glared at him, to make him not only fell guilty, but to prevent herself from letting tears spill.

"Erm, well, anyhow, this has had a serious impact on your children." The glared deepened. "Nobody could blame them of course. Nicky especially has been sensitive. But I assure you that we are trying to be as careful as we can. We were just unsure how the cildren would react to fire-safety demonstrations all week. But it division policy that each child must be in attendance for at least one of the speeches. After Nicky's erm, incident, we checked up on Katie's classroom, and she appeared to be handling the situation fairly well. In fact, she kept bringing up your late husband, quite enthousiastically. I believe she even knew the firefighter helping her class room." Linda shivered when the man said late husband. As though he was simply at work, would come home and have to reheat his dinner. "Captain Mike Kennedy."

Linda was shocked. She had no idea that Mike had been involved in the school-initiated program. "Yes, very well in fact."

"Well, she showed no signs of distress, and she was telling her friends all about him, and her dad. I've talked to the school psychiatrist, and he says that these demonstrations could be great for Katie, but if you would prefer her not to participate, that wouldn't be a problem, each of your children have each attended a demonstration, so you could keep them at home for the rest of the week if you'd like. However, our psychiatrist would like to see Nicky for a few sessions, with your permission of course."

"I see. Well, I'll have to think about it and keeping my kids home. I think I'll go see my son now, and if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to see my daughter and Captain Kennedy."

"Of course. Katie's class should just be finishing it's fire drill outside with the Captain now. I'll walk you over there."

As Linda exited the small office, she smiled at Nicky. He had been to the washroom and washed his face. He gave her a small smile back. She pulled him into a hug and kissed his head and they all walked out to Katie's playground just as the recess bell rang.

"Mommy! Mommy! Guess what! Uncle Mike was here today! And he brought us all the stickers!"

"That's great sweetie. You had fun then?"

" Yeah! And I got to tell everyone about daddy, and even Uncle Mike did too!"

"That's wonderful Katie."

"Hello Linda," said Mike, pulling her into a hug. "How are you," he asked sincerely.

"Alright, I suppose. I certainly haven't been taking the most care of my appearance, though," she said, trying to joke, pointing out her sweats and messy hair.

"Still beautiful though. How about we get a cup of coffee."

"That sounds nice, but we should be getting home. Nicky had a bad day," she said quietly so that Nicky wouldn't hear. "Katie, baby, do you want to stay the rest of the day?'

"Uh-huh. I want to stay with my friends."

"How about I take little Katie here home when school's finished? I'm here for the rest of the day. Then maybe we could catch up a bit."

Linda looked at the ecstatic face of Katie. "Okay, sure. I'll see you in a few hours than."

"After milk and crackers," Mike replied with a smile.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Ladder 49; lyrics are Illume by Stevie Nicks.

**Chapter 3**

As Linda opened the door to the house, she was surprised to find it spotless. Her mother had vacuumed, and cleaned the entire house.

"Mom, what are you still doing here?"

"Well hello to you too. Hi Nicky, dear. I just noticed that there were a few chores that I could do around here. And I think I should stay here for a little while longer. Seems as though I'm needed.?

"Mother, I told you. We're fine, and we don't need your help."

"That's what you want to think. Listen, if you're going to be sick now, the children need someone here to help with things. I'm not busy at all, and I want to help you."

"Listen mother, I can handle things. I don't need you to help me run my life and raise my kids. Unless you're Jack, butt out," demanded Linda, surprised at how sharp she'd said that, and at the mention of Jack.

Gloria just turned around and finished dusting a bookshelf.

"Out, right now. I don't want you here. I need to do this for myself."

Gloria looked at her daughter. She mumbled something under her breath and grabbed a duffel bag, and stormed out the door, kissing Nicky on the way out. Just as she was about to close the door, Linda yelled, "Freeze", demanded the spare keys back and Gloria proceeded out the door.

"Alright Nicky. What happened at school?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Linda pondered for a moment. She knew Nicky should open up and get his feelings out, but she didn't want to force him too much.

"Alright. Just know that whenever you're ready to tell me, I'll be ready too. And your principal thinks that you should see the psychiatrist at school. I happen to agree. You can stay home for the rest of the week, but when you go back, you're going to talk to Dr. Epstein."

"Do I have to?" argued Nicky.

"Yes."

The afternoon passed by relatively uneventfully. Linda got sick again, but when Mike and Katie came home, she already had a snack for Katie and coffee for her and Mike.

"I just want to thank you for volunteering to do this, Mike. For helping Katie's class."

"Well, I actually get paid to do it," he said with a wink.

"What did you do to make Katie so comfortable. I thought she would have gotten upset like Nicky."

"Well, I tried to be extra careful, but I think Katie has just accepted it. I know she misses him and all, but it just isn't hitting her as it is to Nicky. How is he anyways?"

"He is pretty quiet about it all. Mr. Jones thinks he should see the school shrink. I wasn't sure at first. My mother even wants me to see someone, thinks that I'm sick over Jack."

"You're sick?" inquired Mike, with a worried expression.

"Oh, no, she is just exaggerating. She walked in on me, well, with my head in the toilet."

"Linda, I think you should go see someone. If not a shrink, at least a doctor. I would hate for you to ignore a problem and regret it later. And no offence, but you don't look well. You look tired, and I really am worried. Please promise me that you'll see a doctor."

"You too!"

"Linda, please, I've seen things happen to other families, people get torn up and neglect themselves. Promise you'll see someone."

"Mike, come on."

"Promise."

"Fine, I'll go. But it's nothing."


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Ladder 49; lyrics are Illume by Stevie Nicks.

**Chapter 4**

Linda was in the waiting room for the family doctor. She flipped through a magazine about knitting, but nothing registered in her mind. She was too busy thinking about what Mike had told her. What if something was seriously wrong with her? She had to be there for her kids, she couldn't leave them alone.

"Linda Morrisson, you can follow me now," said a petite nurse wearing sesame street scrubs.

1 HOUR LATER

Linda sat in her car, thinking. It was only 11 in the morning, it was a while before the kids would be home. She played with her keys, still in shock. She couldn't believe what the doctor had told her. She would never have guessed. And she was unsure about how to feel about it all. Pregnant. Most people would be delighted that they were expecting. And she was, but she was still thinking about how this was going to work. She had no Jack to help her through this. She would have to go through it alone. And that was beyond frightening for her.

She drove home and sat on the couch. She read and re-read the bottle of pre-natal vitamins the doctor had given her. She picked up the phone and called the fire department. "Mike, I need to talk to you. I just got back from the doctor," started Linda seriously.

"What is it? Linda, are you alright?" Said Mike in a panicked voice. Then Linda heard a loud buzzing in the back ground, and some voices on the other end.

"Shot! I have to go, Linda, I'll talk to you as soon as I get a chance. I really have to go," he said apologetically, and hung up.

Linda gazed at her hands. She should have suspected this. Her morning sickness, her moodiness, her slight weight gain. They were all signs. What would she tell the kids. The kids! As if they weren't already vulnerable, now they would be getting even less attention with a baby. A baby! How would she give birth? Who would hold her hand as she cried and swore in agony? How would she do this financially?

She heard the doorbell and rushed to open the door. It was Mike, still smelling like smoke.

"Linda, I came straight from the fire, my shift's done. Please tell me you're alright."

"I'm fine. We're fine."

"Are you sure? You took the kids to the doctor too?"

"No, they're at school. I'm pregnant, Mike."

Mike looked at her as though it was the last thing he expected to hear.

"Pregnant? Linda, are you serious? How far along?"

"Four months. It happened before Jack's accident."

"Linda, this is wonderful! Aren't you excited?"

"God knows I'm happy about this, but I'm scared too. I'm carrying Jack's baby. The last thing he left me. How am I going to do this, Mike?'

"Don't worry, everything will workout. Just make sure that you take care of yourself. Are you going to need some help around here?"

"Well, I'm not sure. As much as I hate to admit it, I think I'm going to have to get my mother to move in for a bit. She's been bugging me to let her help, and I guess I'll just have to let her."

"You better. I'm so happy, Linda. This is so great. I know Jack would be happy."

"Yeah, we always said we wanted another baby. It just never happened. I guess I'll have to tell the kids tonight."

"Good luck. I wish you all the best. If there is anything, anything at all I can do for you, please tell me. I have to go, so keep in touch and take care of yourself."

"I will."


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Ladder 49; lyrics are Illume by Stevie Nicks.

Chapter 5 

"Hello sweetie. How was school?" said a preoccupied Linda. She was busy making their dinner of spaghetti and her mind was just a whir. She had decided to tell Nicky and Katie about her pregnancy after dinner, and she was going to sound excited as she could without sounding fake, no matter how uncertain she was.

"Good. I made a painting today. Want to see it?" replied a content Katie.

"Sure baby."

"It's a picture of us and daddy."

Linda froze. Katie had always drawn pictures for Jack, even put one in his casket. But now that she had drawn one of their family, Linda felt weird. She had drawn someone who wasn't here anymore, and hadn't drawn someone who would be here in a little while. Not that Katie could have possibly know, or was to be criticized for putting her father, who was still very much a part of the family, in a picture. Then she thought that, though they were both a part of the family, they would never all be in a family photo.

"It's gorgeous, hunny. You want to put it on the fridge?"

"Yeah! Can I use the Mickey Mouse magnet?"

"Of course," said Linda, looking at the picture. "You know what, there's someone missing in this painting."

"Who?" questioned Katie.

"Who?" demanded Nicky.

"Your new brother or sister," answered Linda, smiling. It wasn't the original timing, but it had felt right.

"What do you mean?" asked Nicky slowly, wondering if he was guessing the right thing.

"I'm going to have a baby. I'm pregnant."

"Yay! Mommy, can I have a little sister?"

"Well, sweetie, we don't get to decide if it's a boy or a girl. It just happens. Maybe though. Or a little brother, wouldn't that be nice too?"

"You don't want a little sister, Katie. Trust me, they're a pest," teased Nicky.

"Hey! Mommy did you hear that?"

"Yes, don't worry. Nicky, I know it was a joke, but please apologize to your sister."

"Sor-ry," he said as he rolled his eyes.

"When do I get my new sister, mommy?"

"Well, baby, like I said, it might not be a sister you get. And it will be in about 5 months, right before your birthday."

"But I know that it's going to be a girl, mommy," said Katie.

"Do you?"

"I know I'm going to get a sister, and we're going to play dolls together, and we're going to have tea parties, and-" Katie's voice drifted as she climbed the stairs to go to her room. Linda watched her go and smiled.

Nicky eyed his mother carefully. "How-" he started and then stopped. He looked really confused. He was just beginning to learn about the circle of life, the birds and the bees. But he hadn't been supplied all of the facts yet, and wasn't exactly sure how everything worked, and his father's absence did little to help his confusion.

"How am I doing?" supplied Linda, saving Nicky from his embarrassment by changing the subject. "I'm just fine. The doctor said I'm going to need someone to help me and make sure I'm taking care of myself, and that I'm taking my vitamins. Seeing as Katie's a little young, think you could do that?" asked Linda, hoping to make Nicky feel needed, and to involve him in the experience.

"Well, I guess," he answered with a smile. Linda pulled him in for a hug.

"Everything is going to be wonderful, just you wait and see. Maybe Grandma will stay with us for a while, and it'll be great. Okay, go wash your hands and get Katie. Supper's ready."

As Nicky ran up the stairs, Linda smiled. Somehow, telling them about this news made her feel a lot more comfortable with having this child, one more piece of Jack for her.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Ladder 49; lyrics are Illume by Stevie Nicks.

**Chapter 6**

Linda was now 8 months pregnant. Her mother had moved in with her a month ago, and they had worked together in preparing for this baby, Katie and Nicky included. The kids picked out the sleepers, and other baby supplies while Gloria and Linda set up the crib. They had arranged for a neighbour to watch Nicky and Katie when Linda went into labour, and her and Gloria would go to the hospital where her mother would help her and hold her hand.

"Call Diane, mom. I just think I felt a contraction."

"Are you sure?"

"Mother, this is not a new experience for me. Take me to the hospital, now. Ask Diane to come over for when the kids get back from school, in about an hour. I'll go get my bag, can you also put some food in Charlie's bowl."

"Alright.'

In the recent months, the family had adopted a new puppy, Charlie.

As Gloria drove to the nearest hospital, and Linda did her Lamaze breathing exercises, the realization that the new baby would be in the car the next time she rode in it hit Linda pretty hard. She wanted Jack to be there with her, sharing this agonizing but amazing experience, coaching her and kissing her and comforting her every step of the way. She wanted Jack to help her pick out the name, a task she had delayed to the point where it hadn't even be considered yet. It was weird to pick out a name by yourself, not second opinion. There would be no Jack to cut the embilico cord of the still slimy baby, to smile down and hold and sing to his new child, no Jack to laugh as he brought in Katie and Nicky ater and showed them the new addition, to take pictures of all of them together for his wallet. Jack might be able to see from above, but his new child wouldn't even know who he was, would have to only listen to the stories about what a fun, brave, and loving dad couldn't be here to love him and cherish him.

"Linda, we're here! Get in the chair," urged Gloria as a nurse pushed a wheelchair to their direction.

"Ma'am, I'm going to need you to do this paperwork here," said another nurse to the adrenaline-pumped Gloria_. Jack should have done this too_, though Linda.

16 hours later, Linda gave one final push and was rewarded with a beautiful baby…GIRL!

"Katie was right all along," said a happy Linda as she held her new daughter. "Her name will be Jackie, in honour of her father, who I know wanted to be here more than anything in the world."

Not long after, Linda's neighbour Diane stopped by the hospital with Nicky and Katie. Katie, of course, was delighted with her new sister, but disappointed that they couldn't play dolls together, for now at least. But her disappointment was short-lived when Uncle Mike walked through the doors.

"Let's see this baby, shall we," he said as he hugged Katie. "She's beautiful, just like every other girl in her family. Oh, Linda, I got something for you. It's a gift from everyone down at the station. You're still very much like family there, you know," he assured her, handing her a basket with baby things. Inside, there was a picture frame that read "I love my daddy" at the top. They had inserted Linda's favourite picture of Jack on half, and the rest was reserved for baby Jackie's picture.

**The end.**


End file.
